Doris and Jack they were out for a stroll
It were one of them bright neets in June
When all of a sudden Jack drops on all-fours
And lets out a howlin' at t' moon

Now Doris who were a shy kind of lass
But pretty enough for her age
She fair got the wind-up and started to run
In her high heeled shoes - they were beige !

Luckily t' bobby were passin'
Patrolin' at t' Sergeants insistence
He spotted as 'ow there were trouble goin' on
And he radio'd in for assistance

Dismountin' from t' bike he took 'old of her like
And said 'ey what's up love come - come
Now you dry your eyes and I'll fetch thi' dog
And then both of you toddle off 'home

That's not mi' dog it's mi' boyfriend she says
And t' policeman he just says tut - tut
'Er must 'ave escaped from t' clinic
If 'er thinks er's in love wi' a mut

So wi' no more ado 'e picks her reet up
And she screams and kicks out wi' both feet
And he carries her off to t' clinic o'er t' road
And has 'er admitted for t' neet

Now all of this time Jack's a 'owlin
'E 'owled and 'e 'owled and then some
Then suddenly like it went quiet
T'pain 'ad gone just as quick as it come

He picks his sel' up and 'e dusts his sel' down
And looks all around t' place for t' lass
But all as he sees was t' moonlight through t' trees
Illuminating Doris's shoes on t' grass

Then suddenly there in moonlight's soft glare
Stands Doris in sorrowful pose
Her mascara had run all over her face
And her tights had wore through to her toes

She'd managed to convince t' doctor
As 'ow she were now a full shillin'
And asks him and pleads him if he'll let her out
And t' doc' said as 'ow he were willin'

What the 'eck 'appened she enquires of her beau
'Cos in t' moonlight he looked 'andsome and young
It were that creamy caramel whirl I were chewin'
I coughed------ and I fair bit mi' tongue !!