The Outing

There's a grand little place reet out in't woods
Wi' no'but a few little houses
Where some reet gradely folk live all nice and content
Along with their kids and their spouses

But trouble wi' t' village although it were nice
And crammed full of flower and tree
By some geographical mishap
It were situated too far from t' sea

So Sam and his wife who'd lived there a while
Decided that if t' costs were in reach
That they would purchase a motor car
And take t' kids and grandma to t' beach

That very same day they went shoppin' for t' car
And found one about half past five
But when t' chap at t' garage said right pal hop in
Sam declared as 'ow he couldn't drive

So t' bloke in showroom said how would it be
If to get some experience like
He'd lend 'em a hoop and stick for a day
And he'd follow behind on his bike

So straight after church on Sunday
They set off at quite a fair lick
Headin' for Blackpool wi' t' kids and wi' t' dog
And grandma and t' bloke's hoop and stick

They looked a fair seet wi' their clogs on their feet
Runnin' along one behind t' other
Sam wi th' oop and then in a group
Were t' kids and t' wife and her mother

It took 'em some time to get on t' reet road
But they made it eventually
Then they all had to stop while t' dog had a plop
And grandma took kids for a wee

It were gettin' on quarter to seven
When Sam he remarked with a wink
As 'ow they were all feelin' thirsty
They'd go into a pub for a drink

The kids at the prospect of Vimto and crisps
Their excitement they just couldn't hide
All of 'em dashed straight into pub
Leaving th' oop and stick unattended outside

Well after they'd 'ad their refreshments
And Sam 'ad 'ad pints one or two
Up they all got and trundled outside
And gran trundled off to the loo

Then they scoured round all of t' car park
And dumbfounded stood every one
Because it were very apparent
That th' oop and stick -they were gone!

So Sam he tackled landlord
Landlord said he just couldn't see
Why Sam were gettin' so exited
Why it wern't worth no'but 25p

But Sam 'e were gettin' fair frantic
As landlord said come ' come!     come - come!
Sam said "Its alreet for thee pal.... tha lives 'ere
But how are us lot goin' to get 'ome"