The Message

In a small town in Greece on th' Agean
Down theer weer t' sun shines all day
Old Sam was sittin' and scribin'
'Cos that's what 'e did for 'is pay

The sign above t' door said 'Pony Express'
It were smaller than t' Chemist's or t' Bank's
But what it didn't say was that t' pony were lame
and th' only pony were shanks'

It were one Tuesday night in September
There came a loud knockin' on t' door
And a soldier came in all drippin' wi' blood
Makin' a hell of a mess on Sam's floor

'E said 'please take this message to Athens
'Cos I'm not fit enough for the trip
But you'd better look sharp 'cos it's 26 miles
Well it's 26 miles and a bit' !

Now Sam wasn't feelin' too clever
At the prospect of runnin' that far
And 'ee'd run out of milk so 'ee couldn't make a brew
And it were early closin' at t' Spar

So 'ee scribed out a note for t' milkman
And then gettin' 'is wife out of bed
He said 'ere take this message to Athens'
And 'ee patted 'er gently on th' ead

Sam's wife set right off a runnin'
And she certainly set quite a pace
And after a while she mused with a smile
It were like runnin' a marathon race

She soon got extremely tired
And bein' fair frightened o' t' dark
She sat down in t' light of 'er torch for a while
Closed 'er eyes '- and went out like a spark !

About 3am she reached Athens
And seein' as no-one were about
She opened the note and clearin' 'er throat
The message she started to shout

'Two extra pints and six eggs if you please' !
It were wrote in a hand neat and tidy
And it went on to say that as Sam 'ad no cash
Could 'ee 'ave it on tick 'til next Friday

Realisin' she'd got the wrong message
She uttered a curse and a moan
At stupid old Sam who'd got 'er into this jam
Then she set off a-runnin' back 'ome

Meanwhile back at th'ouse old Sam (wi' no nowse)
Was snoozin' and snorin' in bed
When the milkman came round and picked-up the note
Which Sam had left out '  and it read

Agamemnon is 'oldin - off th' Persians
At Thermopolae's bridge - so come quick
And fetch 'im a sword and a shield and such-like
'Cos 'ees 'oldin 'em off wi' a stick  !

Well the milkman could make moss nor sand
Of the message that 'ee 'ad just read
So stuffin' the note in 'is pocket
'Ee left 3 pints o' gold top instead !!