Sweet Dreams

Now Sam 'ad bin watchin' t' telly
All snuggled and warm like in bed
And his missus had dropped off to sleep next to 'im
Wi' 'er 'air net pulled tight round 'er 'ead

He looked at 'er lyin' there snorin'
'Er 'head cocked o'r on one side
And 'e mused on 'ow 'er'd changed quite a bit
In't 40 years since she were 'is bride

He looked at 'er teeth and were fair pleased 'as 'ow
Yon dentist had done a good job
'Ow 'is 'heart give a tug when 'e spied 'em in't jug
Cos 'er 'd only got gums in 'er gob

He knew 'as 'er ears weren't reet way back when
Some tickets for t' Beatles he'd gotten
Aye he knew they wern't reet when they got into street
An' 'oo swore 'ood just 'eard Billy Cotton

When she were sixteen a fine lass she'd been
A slim thing like - all cute and flighty
An' he looked at 'er kind as t'thought come to his mind
That she favoured a whale in a nightie

When her eyesight were failin' she went for some specs
to Cartwrights th' opticians in Chorley
And he fashioned 'er some from two bits of wire
and t' bottle bottoms from 'Robinson's Barley'

He recalled as 'ow one-time before she got specs
an 'e didn't have th'eart to tell 'er
When she opened t' washer door in t' kitchen
And chucked all his clothes into t' cellar

He remembered 'er mother an' all so 'e did
And her father and his nasty habits
Aye he remembered her brothers and sisters all twelve
Why they favoured a pack o' rabbits

And on 'oliday once on a farm down in Wales
Wi' her auntie and 'er auntie's young brother
As 'ow all of 'em tumbled in t' pig pen
And you couldn't tell one from another

But despite all this 'ere 'e still loved 'er he knew
And his wedding vows he promised to keep
He'd been cosy for life with the love of his wife
And he kissed 'er and fell fast asleep